I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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