remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize