dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
