i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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