Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
