I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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