No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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