Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I did not marry a roomba.
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