K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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