Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize