u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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