yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
