I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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