i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
