I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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