The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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