"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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