Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
