I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
