she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
