He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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