the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well you can't waste a boner
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
