Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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