I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
