Need sex. Gaining weight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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