so explain again why im purple
no
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize