Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
