I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
