Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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