Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
