I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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