apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
