sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
