Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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