No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
