Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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