Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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