Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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