drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
