her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
