It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
