I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
