omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
