and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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