Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
