Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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