At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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