i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
