remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
