i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
