he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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