Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
