Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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