So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
