the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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