I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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