Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize