Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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