We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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