Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
