he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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