Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
