He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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