I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need help removing her.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
