this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize