I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
