I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want to make out with him forever
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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