I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
