Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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