so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
