Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize