You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
