that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
