And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
