I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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