Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
