plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
