We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
