She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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