Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
