So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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