Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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