4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
