He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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