According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
