hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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