life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
