'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's rum buckets o'clock
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
