Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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