Soap is not a condiment
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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