There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
