Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
