jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
