she looked like the before picture.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
