I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we should paint friendship bongs
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