he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
