Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
