from now on my penis is your penis
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
