with your own penis?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
