I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
