everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
