The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
