i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
